I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t a Christian. I was born into a Christian family. I grew up going to church. What usually happens to people who grow up in church is that they get used to everything and take things for granted. This is exactly what happened to me.
The church became my comfort zone. At the same time, it became my stage. Since I was (am) a pastor’s kid I knew that people were watching me. I felt obliged to act a certain way. All of my actions were calculated. If I raised my hands during praise and worship, I made sure that I did so in such a way that I’d still look nice. I would also make sure that there would be people watching.
Leading praise and worship is not a new thing for me. Back in grade school and high school, I would regularly be part of the “worship team”, and sometimes I would even be the one to have solos and to lead the songs. But I don’t really remember a time when I felt the Holy Spirit during praise and worship. Maybe just once or twice, but very seldom.
The Undignified Worshipper chapter of Matt Redman’s book ‘The Unquenchable Worshipper‘ really struck me because it spoke of a type of worship that just forgets itself.
“We get so caught up in love and wonder that we forget what others might think and throw ourselves into God’s pleasure.“
What it was saying was that it doesn’t really matter what other people say about you when you worship. It shouldn’t matter.
I struggled with this for such a long time. And it was only recently when I learned to not care anymore. I just let go. I realized that at the end of it all, nothing they said would really matter. Besides, I am worshipping the One true God that loved me so much that He sent his Son to die for my sins. How could I not give my all to him through this simple act of adoration?
“Sometimes we may need reminding how passionate God is for us.”
God loved us first. Why then, is it so hard for us to reciprocate that love through praise and worship?
I remember one time when I attended the morning service in Victory Ortigas. I hadn’t gone in a while because I was always in Victory QC. I missed the music team of Ortigas and I wanted to check out how they were doing. Anyway, point was, I was so anointed to just be part of the congregation. I was standing in the back of the auditorium and I began crying. All of the sudden, the words of the song meant so much to me. I understood the gravity of what they were singing and it touched me so much that I couldn’t help but raise my hands and be in awe of this most amazing God that chose to love me despite all my weaknesses.
I’ll never know how much it cost
To see my sins upon that cross
Worshipping God should never be a show, whether you are part of the congregation or up on the stage leading. There should be no room for pride.
Pride is also something I constantly struggle with. Sometimes singing becomes all about me and not anymore about using my talents to glorify God. Being part of the music team in Victory QC helped me realize the importance of worship. As I worked side by side with people that understood the true purpose of worship, I began to grow as a Christian and as a worshipper. God revealed to me my faults so that I would learn not rely on my own strength and talents but on Him.
When I reread this chapter, I was reminded of one worship song. Its lyrics were very apt with what this chapter made me realize about myself. I knew that this was exactly the state I should be in whenever I worship God. This is what true worship looks like:
So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all.
So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours